Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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