Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
