Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
