You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
