I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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