fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
