Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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