It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
