Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Are we still banned from the library?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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