He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
