Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
