thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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