Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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