i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
