I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
