how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
