i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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