I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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