I must be too annoying 4 u.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
