My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
