How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
