im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i was born a porn star she said
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
