He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
