Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
