Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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