I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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