I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
