we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
