she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
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