My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
