i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
