You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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