the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
