Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
