dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
