i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
