I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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