Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
