just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
