I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i already hear my dad disowning me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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