Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
