i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
