he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
