So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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