after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
