end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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