I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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