Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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