billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
