Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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