Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
