do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize