Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
