Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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