drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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