i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
