Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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