Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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