He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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