I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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