What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
