i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
