youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize