This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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