i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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