You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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