Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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