I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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