i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
