So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
